kador (kador) wrote,


During the last holiday season, many individuals expressed concern over
the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in
a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following
questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.

1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
___ Talking section
___ No talking section

2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest:)
___ Stock market
___ Sports
___ Medicine
___ General gossip
___ Specific gossip (choose:)
___ The rabbi
___ The cantor
___ The cantor's voice
___ The cantor's significant other
___ Fashion news
___ What others are wearing
___ Why they look awful
___ Your neighbors
___ Your relatives
___ Your neighbors' relatives
___ Presidential Election (uh oh)
___ Sex (Preference:______________________
___ Who's cheating on/having an affair with with whom
___ Other:_______________________________

3. Which of the following would you! like to be near for free professional
__ Doctor
__ Dentist
__ Nutritionist
__ Psychiatrist
__ Child psychiatrist
__ Podiatrist
__ Chiropractor
__ Stockbroker
__ Accountant
__ Lawyer
__ Criminal
__ Civil
__ Real estate agent
__ Architect
__ Plumber
__ Buyer (Specify store:_______________________ )
__ Sexologist
__ Golf pro [tentative; we're still trying to find a Jewish One]
__ Other:____________________________

4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)

__ On the aisle
__ Near the exit
__ Near the window
__ In Aruba
__ Near the bathroom
__ Near my in-laws
__ As far away from my in-laws as possible
__ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible
__ Near the pulpit
__ Near the Kiddush table
__ Near single men
__ Near available women
__ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
__ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
__ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]

5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
__ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
__ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
__ I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
__ My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza

6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
(Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider
joining another congregation.)
_________________________ _________________________
_________________________ _________________________
_________________________ _________________________

Your name:_________________________________
Building fund pledge: $________________________
Tags: рассылочно-анекдотическое

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