kador (kador) wrote,
kador
kador

SYNAGOGUE SEATING REQUEST FORM FOR YOM KIPPUR

During the last holiday season, many individuals expressed concern over
the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in
a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following
questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.

1. I would prefer to sit in the... (Check one:)
___ Talking section
___ No talking section

2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest:)
___ Stock market
___ Sports
___ Medicine
___ General gossip
___ Specific gossip (choose:)
___ The rabbi
___ The cantor
___ The cantor's voice
___ The cantor's significant other
___ Fashion news
___ What others are wearing
___ Why they look awful
___ Your neighbors
___ Your relatives
___ Your neighbors' relatives
___ Presidential Election (uh oh)
___ Sex (Preference:______________________
___ Who's cheating on/having an affair with with whom
___ Other:_______________________________

3. Which of the following would you! like to be near for free professional
advice?
__ Doctor
__ Dentist
__ Nutritionist
__ Psychiatrist
__ Child psychiatrist
__ Podiatrist
__ Chiropractor
__ Stockbroker
__ Accountant
__ Lawyer
__ Criminal
__ Civil
__ Real estate agent
__ Architect
__ Plumber
__ Buyer (Specify store:_______________________ )
__ Sexologist
__ Golf pro [tentative; we're still trying to find a Jewish One]
__ Other:____________________________

4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)



__ On the aisle
__ Near the exit
__ Near the window
__ In Aruba
__ Near the bathroom
__ Near my in-laws
__ As far away from my in-laws as possible
__ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible
__ Near the pulpit
__ Near the Kiddush table
__ Near single men
__ Near available women
__ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
__ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
__ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon [additional charge]




5. (Orthodox only.) I would like a seat where:
__ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
__ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
__ I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
__ My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza

6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
(Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider
joining another congregation.)
_________________________ _________________________
_________________________ _________________________
_________________________ _________________________

Your name:_________________________________
Building fund pledge: $________________________
Tags: рассылочно-анекдотическое
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